Updated: Dec 10, 2020
Most of my life I have had the belief that life is not safe. It manifests in many ways, and sometimes it's hard to put a pin on it. When you start to open up to healing your inner wounds, your shit gets laid bare. It doesn't happen all at once, it comes in waves. And sometimes those waves are strong, and push you under.
Even though I've gone through cancer, and came out on the other side better, I still have had the fear that life isn't safe. That leads to me not enjoying life to the fullest. Running with the programming in the background that I have to worry about everything, and think worst case scenario in order to be safe. And usually when I try to think best case scenario or calm myself down, it doesn't really work. Or it works for a little bit but the next time something happens that triggers my freak out response I realize I still don't feel safe. I've been asking lately for this to be truly healed. Because I realize more and more how amazing this life is, but yet feel held back from true Joy. Not really understanding how to heal it. The normal means of just trying to stay calm in a moment of panic have worked in the moment, but nothing that hit home and made a difference. Surrendering to the fears, allowing myself to be imperfect, and to not get it right has opened me up to new possibilities. Something that struck me this morning in a particularly fearful moment during a nosebleed was "What if it's possible that my worst fear won't come true.? What if it's possible that I can be ok. That it's just a nosebleed and it will stop?" Have you ever had those moments, where all you see is worst case scenario. You get through it, but because it's so scary in the moment, you don't really consciously analyze it. Or allow it to teach you. You're just grateful you're still alive. That question stopped me in my tracks. And I kept repeating different versions of it till I was a sobbing mess. This allowed me to give myself permission to release and comfort the part of me that believes I have to hold onto the fear, hold on to the scary what if's to be truly safe. In that moment I allowed myself to actually believe that I could be OK... To tell a different story. By asking the What if it's possible to be OK question, you are giving your subconscious mind something new to ponder. It's open ended, which allows it to work it's magic without your ego brain. Because that part of you can't answer that. It's answer will always be you're not safe.
I wanted to share this in hopes that if you've felt this same way, maybe give this question a try. See what comes up. You might be surprised by the answer!
All my love,